I Could Write a Book

9/11/2001 was a very sad day. Please never forget all of those whose lives were taken that day. With all due respect to that day and to all the other days that a love one is lost - death sucks.

I’ve had a difficult time lately dealing with death. I’ve tried to keep it to myself mainly because I almost feel like a freak explaining what’s wrong with me. Yesterday was my father’s birthday. He died a little over 9 years ago and yesterday I think was the hardest birthday of his ever.

Death takes people way too early. Right now, my hero is in heaven. He was the kindest man I knew. One time he was out working - to help a man who was down - bail his hay with some other workers. When he went back into the man’s house he didn’t have on his cowboy boots. The man told him he didn’t have to take off his shoes to enter his house. He told the man, "I didn’t take them off to come inside. I took them off to give them to the worker who needed them more than I did."  I hope one day when I grow up that I’m able to be that selfless.

 I was listening to some of my music today and one of the phrases that stood out was "God gives and God takes away." I stopped and thought a minute and I know that God does take away so that we do not forget the value of our loved ones around us. I know there’s a reason why my hero is in heaven tonight. I’m not sure exactly what that reason is. I doubt I ever do. Maybe it’s to make me be more aware of all the little things that surround my life, to be more grateful.

So, on that note, don’t forget to tell the one(s) you love ~I love you~. I promise you - you never know when that last day will be.  

    Hello Elvis,

    Here I come to visit you. I’d rather be staying home but considering Gustav is out there you’re the next best thing. 

    Dear God,

   If you can hear me please don’t let a tree or trees crush my house this time.

   Thanks,

   me - the girl with a pit in her stomach
 

Home for four days and I’m off again. It’s that time of the year again. The wonderful "Board (bored) Retreat." Oh, what fun. Yes, I’ll have an attidude adjustment before I arrive it’s just been so nice to sleep in my own bed and now I’m off to the floor.

These last few days at home have been wonderful. Busy, but wonderful. I’m going to miss my home this weekend. sighs. I’m also going to miss my niece’s 1 year old birthday party. I’m going to be the only family member who isn’t there. That sucks. I hate that I’m going to miss it. In case I didn’t mention it, this retreat is absolutely mandatory and I can’t miss. More than likely this is going to be my last active year in Jr League. I just can’t handle this kind of stuff anymore.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Oh, go see "Mamma Mia" this weekend if you haven’t already. It is such a happy movie. I loved the movie better than the actual Broadway play. Make sure you stay for the entire end of the movie. You’ll be peeing in your pants from laughing so hard.

Peace out , Babycakes. Don’t forget to tell the one(s) you love ~ I love you ~. 

Nine years ago today I held my father’s hand while he died. I watched one of the strongest men I ever knew wither away to almost nothing. One of the last things he told me was "you’re a good daughter, Kat. Anyone would be proud to have you as their daughter."  I’ll never forget him saying that to me. He always told me "I bye little Kat". Oh, how I miss hearing that.

I miss you, Poppa. I hope you’re enjoying heaven and I can’t wait till I get to see you there one day.

Always tell the one(s) you love ~~I love you~~.  

Dear Month of May,

    Goodbye Dear sucky May.  I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier in my life to see the month of May gone. Gone forever.

    In case you can’t tell by my very subtle words, May pretty much sucked in my opinion. Some of you have listened to me cry on the phone. Others have offered up prayers. I’m sure lots thought I was truly losing my mind at times. Goodness knows I was in that category. Yes, tomorrow starts "hurricane season" here, but I will gladly take a hurricane over "May" again.

    Just so you can stop trying to figure out what was so bad in my life during the month of May (and  in case dementia strikes me sooner than I expect) here are just a couple of examples: death, potential death (yes, the day dh thought he was truly having a heart attack was a fun one) (that’s sarcastic) (sorta), hernias (J has to have surgery), boils on butts(that’s private), finals (ended up with a "B" in the class) ~boo hiss~, Jr League Banquet - (that actually somehow got pulled off quite nicely), baseball games 5 nights a week (peanuts anyone?) and on and on and on. My stress level was so high at one point, I actually had a very nice gay man tell me I need to take more soy to help my menopausal symptons. (I’m not making that one up, lol)

    Goodbye ugly month of May. May I never have to live through another like you - ever. And in case you haven’t picked up this tidbit from me before — be sure and tell the one(s) you love ~ I love you ~ You truly never know when that last time will come.

butterfly kisses to all 

Home. As Dorothy says in Wizard of Oz "there’s just no place like home." I know that I’ve surely felt that way before. There truly isn’t anything like "home." I remember often when Katrina crushed my house and I was displaced and wondering if I’d ever see home again - I thought lots and lots of times about "home." After Katrina, my mother remarked to me, you should make a slideshow with pictures from Katrina and the song "Home" running behind it. To this day, I still can’t listen to "Home" without crying.

I love the feeling, when I’ve been away for awhile, of taking that first step inside my home and looking around and seeing my things. My bed. My pictures. My stuff. It makes me very grateful that I do have a home to come home to. So, for those of you who are missing "home" right now - here’s one of my absolute favorite songs. I hope you make it home, soon. 

Don’t forget to tell the ones you love "I love you".  

Today would have been my father’s 62nd birthday. Gosh, he meant the world to me. You can’t imagine how badly I miss him.

    Fireworks don’t mean the same to me anymore. Now when I hear them I think of my father’s death.  In my mind, the fireworks started right after my father died. 8 years ago today.  He died at 7:35pm, holding my hand or rather I was holding his hand. I can remember everything. How he looked. How he sounded. It was horrible. When I think of the time he died and the timing of the fireworks they couldn’t have happened right after his death but more like 1 1/2 hours past his death. It really doesn’t matter. That is what I will always remember.

    The last words he ever spoke outloud were "I love you". He told that to me and he must have had to use a lot of energy because when he said them they were very loud. I hope that no one ever has to watch their loved one die. I know in reality that it happens daily, but it is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 

    Aww, man. I’ve done so well today - until now. sighs. I’m glad we’re going out of town tomorrow, but in one way I wish we were staying home. My sis and her family are having a BBQ at my father’s old house tomorrow. I hate that I am going to miss out on that. We always talk of my father and tell tales of him. 

    I wish that my Poppa was still here. I know he would be a wonderful grandfather for my children. I’m sad that they miss out on that experience. I hope that I am a good grandmother one day. Not any time soon - but one day in 20 or 30 years. LOL.  

    So, ~~Happy 4th of July~~ for tomorrow.