I Could Write a Book

I’m home from my mini vacation at The Grand.  We had a wonderful time. I want to go back every month. LOL. The kids had a great time all except when G got stung by a big ole jellyfish. That was our only down moment.

We celebrated J’s "gotcha" day. I think she is finally starting to understand a bit more what that actually means. Tonight, I composed my first letter to her birthmother. After talking to J yesterday about the day I "got her", it really made me want to contact her birthmother even more. I hope that we are able to find some info out for J’s sake.

Short and sweet tonight. Tomorrow starts another full week. 

Peace out, Babycakes.  

    What a great day ! Lots of sunshine, friends, tennis and working out. The only thing missing in my perfect day was sushi. You couldn’t  ask for a more perfect day than today. Oh, between tennis and weights, I burned 1478 calories. Go me.

    However, I am very tired. Wow. I guess it is all the exercise I am doing. I feel wiped out around now. Time to put on my pjs, curl up with a cup of hot tea and watch American Idol. I surely hope the American public was smart enough to vote off Sanjaya. However his name is spelled. After watching last night’s episode, I really hope Jordin wins. I can’t believe she is only 17. So pretty and what a voice. I love it that she is not a stick-thin toothpick of a person. She is much more of a realistic model for our daughters. Ok, I have no idea how I got on that.

    This afternoon, when I opened my mail, I received an email from the "searcher"  that I had contacted. I literally started shaking. I was hoping that it told me about her birthmother, but it didn’t. At least I know that I have contact with a living person in Russia. The searcher told me a couple things that I need to do. Once that is done, he said it generally takes about 4-6 weeks before we know anything at all.

    I have this urge to read right now. I keep looking at a lot of my religious books. Some look very interesting. I think because of the birthmother stuff going on I am searching  out my "calm". Being quiet and reflective brings me peace.  I have this desire to cook for our priests. I don’t even know if I can explain that one. I think a lot about what Mother Theresa said one time " treat everyone as if they are Jesus". If everyone did that we would have a much nicer world to live in. Anyways, my point being, I can’t cook for Jesus but I can do somehting nice for the priests.

    Egads, I’m in an odd mood tonight. Lots going on in my head. Lots. Some personal stuff, some friend stuff, some family stuff. I’m definitely looking forward to church on Sunday.

    Enjoy your evening, everyone. Say a prayer or pass on some positive thoughts for all of the families/students involved at VA Tech.  

    If you’ve seen the movie "Meet The Robinsons" then the phrase "keep moving forward" by Walt Disney means something to you. Before seeing the movie tonight, I didn’t really know what it was about. I knew it was "Disney" and animated and that the kids were begging to see it. So, off we went.

    The movie is set around a little boy , in an orphanage, and he keeps going through interviews to potientally find "his parents".  They show the orphanage and they show him being dropped off as a baby. As we watched this scene unfold before us, Tob leans overs and whipsers "that is just like J".  Yeahhhhh ! He finally got it.

   Finally, my sons can relate to their adopted sister. They understand a little better "where she came from".  We didn’t really get a chance to discuss this tonight after we got home due to the time, but now we have an opening on where to begin.

   I can’t wait to buy this movie when it comes out. As times goes by, I know that I will sit and watch it with J and we’ll talk about her experience. Watching this movie made me so happy that I’ve started the birth mother search.  I felt like Walt was telling me that I was on the right path. (either that or sleep deprivation is getting to me).

   So, as ole Walt Disney says "Keep Moving Forward". That’s a great motto to adopt for life.
 

    Well, I did it. My stomach is in knots right now. I have no idea what can of worms I just opened and I feel like throwing up. sighs.

    I sent off a request for a searcher to see if we can find my daughter’s "birthmother". I can say that I had never considered searching for her until a couple of weeks ago when I went to a lecture regarding adoptees and their birthmothers. Hearing the stats and reading some of the literature regarding how adoptees feel while growing up made me decide that I wanted to do this for my daughter’s sake.

    I love my daughter beyond belief, just as I do my sons. I only want what is best for her, but I tell you, this topic is beyond scarey for me. I have this fear that someone is going to come and try and take my daughter from me. I also worry that maybe one day my daughter will prefer to be with her birthmother. If we are able to locate her, that is. sighs. Then I have all of these worries regarding when do I share whatever info we find with my daughter. I don’t want to "rock her world" at too young of an age, nor too old of an age. wahh.

    Sometimes, I wish life was a little simplier. I’m very grateful that I am able to have these more difficult times, though. If I did not, it would mean I didn’t have my daughter.

    I’m off to hug and kiss and rock my daughter. I’ll say a littler prayer (or a million) that when the proper time comes I’ll know better what to do.