Spain
Spain. It’s a beautiful place. It has lots of culture, beautiful cathedrals, people, weather, etc. I’m going there next week. Am I excited ? Heck to the Nth degree - NO ! People think I am absolutely nuts when I tell them that. They say , "I would love to travel." Go right ahead and be my guest. Why am I not looking forward to this trip ? There are a couple of reasons with the main one being my children. I have absolutely zero desire to leave my children. I never thought I would be this way as an adult or a mother. I am absolutely terrified that something is either going to happen to me or to one of my children. I would feel tremendous guilt either way. sighs.
Right now, I am ammending our will. Getting it a little more up-to-date. It makes me want to throw up. I’m making "emergency lists" with numbers for everyone from the dentist to the lawyer. sighs. I have a headache.
What I do not understand is why don’t fathers feel the same way as mothers in regards to leaving their children ? All he can think about is how much fun he is going to have. All I can think about is "will they remember everything they need for school ? Will the nanny drive safely with my children in the car ?" I have about come to the conclusion that it just isn’t worth it for me to leave without my children. I worry continuously. I will be a nervous wreck the entire time I am there and all I will think about is "I can’t wait to be back home." So, what really is the point of going ? Please don’t tell me "you’ll get to spend time with your husband without the kids." Joy. I can do that here. I don’t have to be overseas to do that.
Thankfully, I have another week before I go. I’m hoping that I can pray myself into some sort of "calm" before I go. I’m trying to think of all the small details of things to have ready before I go. Other than me worrying about going to Spain, life has been good these last days. (Thought I would add something positive to this post. LOL)
