I Could Write a Book

At this moment, my grandfather is still alive. That fact is very unexpected and everytime the phone rings today I keep expecting it to the be "that call."  I hate it when I dread answering the phone.

I was able to go spend sometime with my Grandfather before I left out of town on Friday. I ended up being alone with him for almost 2 hours. I am so very grateful for that time. I told him I loved him. I kissed him.  I told him that I would see him in heaven one day. After I told that to him, I paused for a bit and was quiet and very reflective towards my grandfather’s life. My grandfather was not always a good man. In fact, he did many things that he should have been put in jail for. In my opinion, that is. I know that he was a member of the KKK. I know that he did horrible things to his children. Half of them have not spoken to him in years. He did not always treat my grandmother the best while she was alive.

Did he ever do anything bad to me ? No. Not that I can remember. Am I sad that he is dying ? I am sad for those that it is going to hurt. I am sad for his wife (he remarried after my grandmother’s death) for she loves him dearly. Their 20th anniversary would have been next month. I am sad for his children who are losing a father that they loved. I am sad for his children who never took the opportunity or just wasn’t able to come at peace or forgive him for the things he did wrong. I am sad for me that I didn’t have that "Norman Rockwell type Grandfather".

Do I have happy memories of my grandfather ? Yes, I do. My grandfather never learned to read. However, when I was 30, he learned his numbers and I think most of his alphabet. I was at his house visiting and he pointed to a tire on the tractor and he said "I can tell you what that says" and he read off the numbers and letters to me. He was so proud of himself. I was so happy for him. He was smiling bigger than I had ever seen.  I remember giving him cards as a little girl and standing to his side and reading them to him so he would know what they said. It is still amazing to me that he never learned to read in today’s world. He is not quite 80. It is not like he never had the opportunity to learn. Yes, I know that his father was killed when he was 7 and that he stayed home after that to help his mother raise the other kids and take care of the farm, but I wonder why didn’t he take the time to learn to read with his own children ?   

Supposedly, my grandfather made peace with the Lord and asked for forgiveness some years back. I am happy to know that about him. I hope it is true. I am very grateful for his death because that means he will not be suffering anymore. No one should suffer while dying.  

There are many things that I could say about my grandfather. Some good. Some not so good.  He was always a handsome man. Tall. I’m sure that is partly where I get my height. While I am not proud of all that he did in his life it is not my place to judge.  So, rest in peace my Dear Grandfather. I am so thankful I was able to sit there and hold your hand so you were not alone while you were dying.