Birthmother search
Well, I did it. My stomach is in knots right now. I have no idea what can of worms I just opened and I feel like throwing up. sighs.
I sent off a request for a searcher to see if we can find my daughter’s "birthmother". I can say that I had never considered searching for her until a couple of weeks ago when I went to a lecture regarding adoptees and their birthmothers. Hearing the stats and reading some of the literature regarding how adoptees feel while growing up made me decide that I wanted to do this for my daughter’s sake.
I love my daughter beyond belief, just as I do my sons. I only want what is best for her, but I tell you, this topic is beyond scarey for me. I have this fear that someone is going to come and try and take my daughter from me. I also worry that maybe one day my daughter will prefer to be with her birthmother. If we are able to locate her, that is. sighs. Then I have all of these worries regarding when do I share whatever info we find with my daughter. I don’t want to "rock her world" at too young of an age, nor too old of an age. wahh.
Sometimes, I wish life was a little simplier. I’m very grateful that I am able to have these more difficult times, though. If I did not, it would mean I didn’t have my daughter.
I’m off to hug and kiss and rock my daughter. I’ll say a littler prayer (or a million) that when the proper time comes I’ll know better what to do.
Just because you locate her, does in no uncertain terms mean you have to have a relationship at all. Deep breath!
Comment by Administrator — March 28, 2007 @ 10:01 am