I Could Write a Book

As a parent, I make many mistakes. As a parent, I do many things well. As a parent, my heart breaks in two when I find out that my child is hurting on the inside. As much as I would love to wrap them in a bubble and protect from hurtful things I know that I can’t. I do know that many parents try and do exactly that, but actually, they’re hurting their child/children even more.

I asked for advice on one of my parenting boards this morning and someone replied back "do it with him". I had asked for advice on how to  help my child. The answer was very simple yet very profound.  I know that I must be a better example. I know that good parents model good behavior, good eating habits, good exercising habits. It sounds very simple. How come it’s so difficult ?

Looks like I’m about to start modeling good exercising habits to my children. I know for some of you skinny, in-shape, happy-go-lucky parents that’s not difficult at all. It’s a struggle for me. Yes, I play tennis. It doesn’t take a lot effort from me. Any other type of exercise — it’s torture. I think I need to go to therapy to gt over the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that’s still hanging over me from the Boot Camp I participated in during the Spring. Yes, I’m that pathetic.

I’ve got 3 months to help my son improve for this merit badge. I plan on keeping up the good habits with him after the 3 months pass. I  do not want my son growing up with negative feelings regarding his weight for the rest of his life. He’s much too young to feel this way. I definitely feel like I’ve let him down.

Tonight I found out that I was scheduled to give a presentation tomorrow night on "Why You Should Join The Junior League". Being that I’m the President of our local organization they rightfully assumed that I would be the ideal candidate to speak on this subject. Of course, once I found out that I was slated to give this little speech my mind just kept drifting back to it. Why YOU should join the Junior League. WHY you should join the Junior League. Why you should join the JUNIOR LEAGUE. Yes, that’s what my mind kept doing.

It’s a miracle I wasn’t testing these statements outloud in the meeting I was attending. I kept asking myself, "where do I put the emphasis?" "Does it really matter where I put the emphasis?" "Should I even answer this question for them ? " On the last question I’m thinking,"If they show up at this speech they are obviously already interested in joining, right ?"

Anyways, I’m going to tell them: "I can’t answer why YOU should join the Junior League but I will tell you why I joined the Junior League. I joined the Junior League because it is an organization of woman committed to promoting voluntarism, developing the potential of women, and improving communities through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers. It is also where you might meet your next best friend or your sister friend. Where there is always something you can volunteer to help with or a meeting that you can attend.  Where you can touch lives without leaving your own community. It’s a place where you can give back and reap the rewards 100 fold….. and that’s why I joined the Junior League." 

My Finland boys left this morning. I thought I was going to cry.

Yes, I’m still alive. Busy doesn’t come close to what I’ve been. I’m exhausted.

Did you know that when you have your own children that all of your preconceived ideas of how you were going to raise them, once upon a long time ago, flies completely and quickly out of the window ? I promise - they do. The preconceived ideas, that is. Not the children. If your children go flying out the window I think it might be time to call in some intervention. (just a thought)

As most little girls, I used to think, "when I have a child I’m going to let him/her stay up late, date at 15, etc. I’m going to be the perfect mom and they are going to love me to death." Snorts. Well, they may have loved me to death until about age 8. Things changed after that.

Want to know when things really changed ? When puberty begin. Not mine - my child’s. Since I’m female and he’s male, I had NO idea that puberty was so difficult on a boy. I’m sure I have a long way to go in dealing with his puberty but let me tell you one thing that has really helped and changed how I am viewing this whole preteen angst. No, it’s not wine. Maybe if I had tried that route I might not have wanted to beat my head in the wall so much. It’s a book. Blessings of a B-  No, I’m not Jewish. I’m Catholic.  It doesn’t matter if you’re Baptist or Buddhist this is a good book to read.

I"m sure I’ve got a group of friends who are sick of hearing about this book but I truly like it. I’m hoping they’ll forgive me for hawking this book so much.  This book has changed how I view a lot of "normal" things, things I didn’t think was so normal before reading. You see, I was raised very strict. You walked a straight line and nothing was questioned. I turned out an okay person (I think) however, I have come to realize that not every kid can be raised the same. I know my childhood might have been a bit nicer if there had been any flexibility in the ways my military father dealt with me.

"But my child isn’t a teenager yet," you say. Well, you don’t wait till you take a test before looking at the material, do you ? Always be prepared is a good Boy Scout motto to live by. It can’t hurt to read it now. If you don’t get anything out of the actual book you can at least put it on a shelf and make people think you’re into self-help reading.

I got my husband to read this book and he and I now have inside jokes. When my son says, "whatever", my husband will say "Chapter 2" and then we both crack up laughing. There are times when I find myself getting irritated and I’ll say, "must read chapter 3 again". So, for all of you, who are at your wit’s end for the day, here’s an alternative to jumping off the bridge. It’s time for me to go reread chapter 4, again.

Good luck on your journey ! 

I’m going to get right to the point in this post. Here is my list of New Year’s resolutions for 2011:

1. Lose 30+ lbs this year

2. Keep a food journal

3. Attend church more

4. Yell at kids less

5. "Move" at least 30 minutes a day

6. Get more organized

7. Work with eldest son on organization

8. Show kids I love them everyday

9. See extended family at least once a month

10. Eat a bit more healthy.

The end. I think I can handle these "resolutions" or "goals" as I like to call them. 

Happy New Year, All ! I hope your year is blessed and that your dreams come true. (You do know you have to work a bit to reach your dreams, right ? )

Merry Christmas, Y’all. I hope everyone has had a great day with family and/or friends.

Yes, I realize that I titled this blog "toxic parent". It’s not exactly the "Merry Christmas 2010" title that should be there. In fact, I think I’ll add that part so in later years I’ll be able to find this entry.  Okay, that’s taken care of. So why the title "Toxic Parent" ? It’s because I have one. ARGHHHHHHH — free shipping ! I’ll ship anywhere in the world ! Oy. oy. oy.

I’ve never had a good relationship with my mother. That’s still on par even today. I’m polite to her. I tolerate her. Can you hear the "but" coming ? BUT - today she was mean to my daughter. I can not tolerate that. I wasn’t in the room when it happened. I didn’t know about it until my sister told me later. And I was pissed. Of course, my mother had already left at that point. She best be glad. I’m furious that she was mean to my child. And clearly it bothered my daughter because my daughter made the statement "I hope my other mother hasn’t died". I really wish my sister had told me this has happened when it did, but I’m sorta glad I didn’t know. It would have made for a very ugly night.

So, I will show my daughter what a loving mother is supposed to be like. We will have very limited exposure to my mother. Ugh. Just because someone is a "mother" doesn’t mean they deserve to be one. ugh. ugh. ugh. I will also do a lot of praying. I truly need to forgive her. I know we’re all human but someone being mean to my child just pisses me off. Beyond pisses me off. ARGH. I’ll definitely be at church tomorrow.

Whew. So, Merry Christmas , All. I really hope you had a very loving day - with zero toxic people in it. 

As I was hugging my baby boy goodnight, I hear this very quiet little question, "Moma, do you think I’m going to get coal for Christmas?" His voice was quivering and I knew something was bothering him most of the evening. My heart wanted to break. You see, this little boy is a worrier like me.

I hugged him even tighter and I told him, "There’s no way you’re getting coal for Christmas. Any mother in the world would want you for their son and I’m so happy that I’m the one who got you." He squeezed me back and said, "Thanks, mom". Awww. sniff sniff. I can’t believe my little baby would even think he might get coal. This is the child who insisted that I buy a "Happy Birthday, Jesus" birthday cake today. Tomorrow we’re going to sing Happy Birthday, too.

This is the evening where I wait patiently till I know they’re all in a deep sleep. As I sit and wait, I’m always concerned that I didn’t buy them enough and then I have to remind myself that even if they only received one little gift - it is enough. I do know there are great lessons learned in not getting everything you want. So, tick tock, tick tock. I’m watching the clock.

Merry Christmas, All. Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus. 

My eldest baby - T - is having surgery again tomorrow morning on his ears. Oy, you’d think by now that we’d be done with this. I can’t really think of a good thing that this does in T’s life - the ear stuff - not the surgery.

T obviously took after my father and is going to have ear issues all of his life. I just want him to hear okay.  I also want him to come out of this surgery okay. Ack - today I took him and got him a pedicure and hair cut just so he would look nice for surgery. I had someone ask me, "did you really do that?" Yes, I really did. I know that this isn’t an open-heart surgery but I do still worry that something bad might happen. I’m a mom. Can you blame me ? It also doesn’t matter how old or big they get - they are always your baby. 

So, if you’re reading this, please remember my rather big 11 year old baby boy. I pray that all goes well and that he will be able to hear a lot better beginning tomorrow. 

It doesn’t look as if we are going to be granted the annulment. I’m extremely disappointed. Very. I keep trying to tell myself that God has a reason for everything.

When I heard the news I wanted to ask outloud, "what’s the point of being married?" but I didn’t. I actually showed a tiny bit of maturity and kept my mouth shut. I do pretty well with the 24 hour rule on email but I definitely have some work to do on the "diahhrea of the mouth". 

So, I’m sure you’re asking, "just what does this mean?" Honestly, I have no idea. Does this mean that I have to live the rest of my life without ever being able to complete all of my Rites ? Sighs. I pray not. 

Speaking of prayer, if any of you reading this blog feels inclined to put me on your prayer list - God knows me very well as "sushigal". Go figure, huh ? 

Remember all of those who need prayers - for more than just mere disappointments. I know this is a test of faith.

Bring it on and Peace out !  

PS: On a much happier note, my sister let me name her little baby last night. Extremely sweet honor. "Lucy Susanne"

I am blessed and I know it. However, I am also very human and sometimes lose sight of the fact that I am blessed. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to say. I do not think I lose sight that I am blessed I think I lose sight of how much I am blessed.

Yes, this is the Christmas season. Yes, this is the season where we buy and give and give and buy and wrap and cross things off of our list. Yes, I buy for the "angel" on the Angel Tree at church. I always purposely pick a child because I just can’t imagine a child not having a present on Christmas. Yes, those of us who are blessed remind ourselves we are blessed  OR  so we think we do until for whatever reason God feels the need to remind us. 

I’m sure you’re wondering "what IS she talking about?" Can’t say this makes much sense to me, either. Something is propelling me to write this piece. So, just keep reading.

This morning, I was in my car listening to Kidd Kraddick on the radio and J.C. was doing a "Christmas Wish". They pick someone to receive a Christmas wish that was turned in by a friend of theirs. Oh my goodness. The friend was crying, the lady who was receiving the wish was crying, and I was sitting in my car bawling like a baby hoping that I had remembered to bring my makeup with me. The poor lady’s story was just horrible and made me realize that even though I know I’m blessed - I’m not nearly humble enough with it or thankful enough with it. 

Obviously, God thought I needed a 2nd reminder today of how blessed I am and he let me come across this blog —–>> http://lothblogs.wordpress.com/  You really need to go read it. It’s about a little baby boy named Samuel and he’s only a couple days old. The blog is written by the father and I honestly can’t imagine all that he and his family are going through at this time. Here it is , right before Christmas, and instead of buying and wrapping and giving gifts, they are praying that their little boy is able to live. 

So, instead of complaining about having to wrap another gift tonight, I’m going to squeeze my children close to me and we are all going to pray for everyone who needs a prayer this Christmas. I’m going to share with them both of the stories I heard today and I hope that it touches their heart as they did mine. 

Please remember how blessed you are and also know you’re being prayed for. I hope you have a blessed day ! 

I have no idea how parents make it through their children’s pre-teen and teenage years. I think I’m going to end up needing a lot of therapy.

I’ve come to the conclusion that children are God’s way of keeping you humble. 

Oy. What a night. 

I bet you had no idea that you could find yourself in "cable hell". Yes, I can attest to the fact, that there is in fact a layer called "cable hell".

OMG ! Yes, that stands for Oh My Gawd ! I thought I was literally going to scream while the cable man was here. What time did the lovely cable man arrive ? At 8am on the dot. I chose the 8am - Noon window because all other 99 times I’ve had someone come out - they arrived at 11:59am. What time did Mr Cable man leave ? 2:05 pm.  Does everything work ? Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll to the No. Did I get to accomplish anything I wanted to today ? Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll to the No. 

I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing right now since Mr Cable man left with unexplained answers. I’m having my "come out of hell glass of chardonnay". Yes, at 2:25pm. 

I’ve yet to get the answers to my Cable hell questions. I’m sure you’ll be checking back to find them out. 

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Happy Monday, Y’all !

Sometimes I think I must be the worst parent on earth. Why ? Because there are times when I really wish my kids thought things like trick or treating were too young for them.

I suck. LOL. Needless to say, I’ll be out there t-or-t’ing tonight and I’m sure there will be a day when I wish I still had my "babies". 

Here I sit on a Friday afternoon wishing I was on a beach somewhere.

If I were there I might say a prayer.

If I said a prayer I might not feel so square.

If I didn’t feel so square I might be a circle.

Composed by yours truly –the next genius poem maker.  I’ve typed incredibly too long today. My eyes are going crossed and wine would be delicious. It’s 5 O’clock somewhere, right ? Dang, there I go thinking about a beach again.

Speaking of beaches — Happy Labor Day Weekend, Y’all. I’m stuck at home this weekend so, instead of sitting on a pretty, pristine, white beach I’ll just head down to the "train". Ponchartrain Beach, that is. Wonders if I’ll get to see any tar balls or oil slicks ? 

This is not going to be the type of post that most are reading on this day or this past week or the past two weeks…… I’m sick of all the "remembering". Yes, I’m a survivor. Yes, I was here. Yes, I AM happy that people do remember. I’m just sick of it.

I know that doesn’t sound very nice or Christian or good-willed or whatever you want to call it. I’m just tired of it. I feel like all the media units are using it as a sensational-filler for their news shows. Blah blah blah. I told dh today that it was almost like having a sore on your body and having people repeatedly rip off the bandaid so they could check the progress of the sore. Not a very lovely analogy but a pretty apt description in my mind. 

Anyways, I’m sure you’re wondering how we’re doing ? We’re doing okay. Are there things that are lacking in progress ? Heck yes. There are things that lack in progress in cities who have never experienced a Katrina. Are there still a lot of people out there doing very good things ? Heck yes there are. I’m truly appreciative for those people. Don’t get me wrong - I’m grateful. I just don’t want to keep reliving it. 

I’ve yet to watch Spike Lee’s update. Why ? 5 years are too soon to go through it again. I’m guessing if a therapist reads this blog they will be saying "Denial. She’s in the denial stage." Maybe. How about "anger stage" ? Hmmm. How about "I just don’t want to see it anymore stage"?

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I hope the news stations have something else to fill their time with. Who knows ? Maybe they can refocus on Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, again.

Signing out,

Grumpy Katrina Survivor

I consider tonight to be the last night of our summer. Yes, it’s a Saturday, but tomorrow the kids actually go to school and turn in homework. Crazy, huh ? They have "open house / orientation" tomorrow afternoon. It’s when they meet their teachers, turn in their supplies, turn in the homework, and see which friends got into the same class. My daughter is acting as if it is the first day of school. She is so excited.

I’m rather sad. Yes, this summer was very busy. Yes, it was literally everything I wanted it to be. I told the children in the beginning that we were going to be active this summer and I’m pretty sure we met that criteria. Yesterday, we went on a swamp tour and hit Chuck E. Diseases ! What more could a kid want ???

Goodbye Summer. Hello School. My babies are growing up way too quickly.

I am having a wonderful week. Yes, I’m alone with 3 lovely children. I’m keeping them busier than a beaver. My eldest asked me today, "why do we do so much stuff when daddy isn’t here?" Well, dear young whippersnapper, it’s because I’m alone and I’m going to wear you all out. I want you all to fall into bed when we get home. And you readers want to know something ? I’m accomplishing that goal. Go Mommy !

I’m having a wonderful time exercising this week. Today I did 35 minutes on the elliptical. I get the same high that runners get when running. I honestly space out while I’m doing it. One minute I’m chugging along and the next minute I realize that 3 songs have passed since I last paid attention. 

When I was "fit" I was easily doing 45 minutes on the elliptical and then jumping over to the treadmill and running a quick mile. Boy, those were the days ! I’m getting there. I feel so good. It’s amazing how much better I feel now compared to 6 months ago. I didn’t realize how off-beat I was feeling till I started feeling good again.

Tomorrow I’m taking the children to the waterpark that’s an hour away. The cheap one. There are actually 2 water parks each one hour away from me. One is to the East. One is to the West. The one to the West is double the cost. Guess which one I’m going to ? El cheapo ! 

If you’re not exercising right now - tell yourself that you’re going to do something tomorrow even if it is taking 10 steps more than you did today. Over time you’ll be glad you did !

Peace out and lots of butterfly kisses ! Yes, I just kissed you.

Tomorrow is my anniversary and I’m going to celebrate it with the kids. No husband. That’s going to be so odd to me.

Where’s he going to be ? In Alaska. He is going on a trip of a lifetime for him. He is going out on a boat with an older friend - one whom he sees almost like a father-figure - and they are going to fish and fish and fish. I told him to weigh before leaving because I’m sure he’s going to lose weight on this trip. Lol. 

Dh kept asking me if I was going to be okay with him being gone. I always reassured him that "yes, I was okay with it", but I’ve got to say - it does feel a little weird. Hmm. Also, he ordered me a gift and it isn’t in yet. Sighs. Everyone knows that I’m a "gift" person. One of those "five love language" characteristics.  I’ll live. 

Overall, I’m very happy that we’ve made it to another anniversary. This has truly been the easiest year of our marriage so far. Yes, easier than the first. Most people love their first year of marriage and ours started out really rough. That’s the year I got pregnant, thought I was having a Down’s syndrome child, and I  quit work to take care of my dying father. I’m guessing that most first years aren’t quite that dramatic.

So, Happy Anniversary to me. I plan on spending the day with my children and thanking God for the marriage that created them. 

What a freaking disaster ! For real. This beyond completely sucks. It’s bad enough that today is the first day of hurricane season, again, but add on the oil spill and it’s just horrible. It makes me want to cry just typing it out. Boohiss.

I’ve bought a "rescue me" tshirt from Fleurty Girl and a Louisiana pendant from Jose Balli. I’m sure I’ll support our area any other way that comes out, too.

Please remember the entire Gulf Coast area as we deal with the oil spill and the hurricane season. I’m praying that God keeps a hand over the entire area and keeps us all safe and sound. 

I love it when I do something in my life for the "first time".  I did that this weekend when I attended "Vespers" at the Greek Orthodox Church at Greek Fest.  Actually, now that I’ve typed out that sentence, I did two "firsts" this weekend. I’ve lived here pretty much all of my life and I had never attended Greek Fest before. Ding, ding, ding. 2 firsts in one night.

I didn’t know what to expect at Vespers and I must say I was extremely surprised. I thought the vespers would be between multiple priest and that they would chant back and forth. That wasn’t how it was at all. There was one priest and gasp! it was in Greek. Not only was it in Greek but we had to stand the entire time. I was thinking I’d get to sit since I had been up and walking for quite a while at that point. 

I enjoyed it. I’m glad I went. I’ll definitely stick with Catholicism.  Now I’m really glad that we have switched to Latin for the masses.  I think it would lose a lot of the "meaning" for me.

I have plans to go back next year. I’m not sure that I’ll attend Vespers again. However, I will be buying more Greek food. Yumm.